She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
