Sry I called you an 8
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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