I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
whose ass print is on the piano?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
