she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
