So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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