Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
