Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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