At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
