barbara walters just said penis...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
