god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
