Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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