i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
