at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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