I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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