One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
