oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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