I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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