Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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