Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
