she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
