I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
