the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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