watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
