My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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