This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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