We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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