I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
