i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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