why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize