I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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