he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
