i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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