if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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