he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
don't judge my taste in strippers
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
