Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
