hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
