dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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