Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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