do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
