I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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