Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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