In America we eat man semen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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