Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
