they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
