Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
