it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
