My room smells like vodka and shame
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
