already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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