pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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