Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
