you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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