i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
