we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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