Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Houston, we have a blender
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
