Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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