I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
