omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
