I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
