The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
