On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule