he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check