ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.