i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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