need another drink. this is the easiest way
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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