he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
