just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
