I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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