I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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