Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
