There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His nipple licking is glorious
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