They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
