I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
