You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
